The Monsters Among Us
There are monsters among us. I can’t begin to describe the sadness that it brings me to even have to write this, but yet here we are. No industry is safe from sexual and gender based violence I’m sorry to say. One in 3 women, and 1 in 5 men experience sexual assault in their lifetime.
However, I will not be participating in call out or cancel culture. I will also not claim to be without fault, I have behaved in ways in my own past that I feel deep shame and guilty about but never to the degree I am referring to in this essay. We have to do better. Individuals who behave in this way are only seeking power and control; assault is NOT about sex or sexuality. They will lie, gaslight, and groom everyone around them to only see the person they’d like you too. These individuals’ are only interested in getting their needs met and sustained; it's only ever about them.
First off… Its is ILLEGAL for any potential employer to inquire as to your sexual identity, preferences, gender or to make sexual comments to or about anyone in a professional setting. Furthermore, touching without consent is a CRIME.
It is not your fault, and you did not do anything wrong. I will say that the struggle to prove claims of sexual misconduct in a professional setting are at best difficult, and at worst a fucking joke. Concurrently, the justice systems is laughably inconsistent in the way victims of sexual and gender based crimes are treated, we know this from the thousands of untested or ruined rape kits all over the country. As money, power and wealth ascend, so does the lack of consequences and accountability in our society and throughout history. I am certainly not endorsing this, but this is where we are.
Your safety is #1, no exceptions. You wouldn’t perform on a clearly broken piece of equipment, or walk into a restaurant that was on fire, right? Even as an adult this is not a joke. I do not get into cars with people I’m not super familiar with, I don’t stay at peoples homes unless it’s family or close personal friends of my own choosing. Always have an escape plan. I know this sounds paranoid and scary, but I’m only trying to prevent further harm, and I sincerely hope that you never have to use these types of precautions but that you do not take them lightly.
If you are the parent of a child or adolescent performer/athlete…never leave them alone. Period. If you can not accompany them somewhere, a chaperone chosen by the family with no personal or professional connection to the sport or event is the best way to protect the interests and well-being of the child.
If you do not feel comfortable calling or talking to anyone about this type of situation, please reach out to me. I can’t say that I have answers but I will listen. We all need allies, and to stop and listen to each other. I look forward to a day soon when I can stop packing knives, constantly carrying an assortment on my person and having them in all my vehicles. I give them as gifts to my adult friends and Zebra brand pens (there made out of stainless steel, shaft doesn’t break if you need to stab someone) to my adolescent friends to protect themselves. Be safe, be smart, help others.
With love and many knives,
Carey
Coming Soon….
Part 2-Protect Ya Neck: Steps to protect yourself